When I started this journey I was terrified. I didn’t think I could do it. I was excited, but I was also questioning everything. What if this will be a fail? What if I don’t learn anything about myself? What if it takes longer than a year? Am I willing to give myself more time? What if what I have now, is as good as it gets? All of these questions kept running through my mind. I was doubting myself without even trying. I wanted to stay in my comfort zone and keep the people who I was most comfortable with but I wasn’t growing in those situations. I wanted to take the leap, and I have wanted to for awhile, but I don’t think I was mentally ready to before.
During my relaxing day yesterday, I collected all my thoughts by writing in my journal. I color code my journal on the different thoughts I have while writing. It pieces ideas together and makes it easier to understand myself and the thoughts I have constantly running through my mind throughout the day.
Sometimes before I begin writing, I don’t know what topic to choose. But this topic has been weighing on me for awhile and I figured it was finally time to put it on paper and sort everything out. Within the self-discovering session with my myself and my mind yesterday I realized that it is okay to wonder about these questions but not to dwell on them. I decided in that moment to trust the plan God has for me. I don’t know where it will lead but if it is coming from God, I know it will be good. Doing this for myself feels like the right move for me. Its something I’ve wanted to do for awhile but never had the guts to stay in the unknown. Uncertainty is scary but trusting the road you are on is worth it. It’s like driving on a new road for the first time, you don’t know where you are going but you are trusting the road to lead you where you need to go. This is exactly how I feel with this new journey I am on to discover who I am.
Now the questions I ask myself relate to, Where will I be in a year from now? How will God bless me in ways I didn’t know I needed? What will I be like? Who will I become? All of these questions are exciting to me and even though I doubt my abilities sometimes, I just have to trust God and know he will guide me where I need to go.