It’s December 31st, so Happy New Year’s Eve! Almost the beginning of a whole new year. So many new beginnings and adventures to dive into. So exciting! Before we jump into the new year, I had to write you all something that has been on my mind lately. It actually hit me in the face today at work. Not literally, but mentally, yes. These blog posts that I share with you guys come from the writings within my journal. I am basically writing my journal entries for everyone to see. Scary but worth it. If one of these entries help you or teach you something, I am more than happy. Being vulnerable is not something I specialize in, and admitting when I am not being a good person, is not in my talents either, but here we go.
Recently I have been bashing my ex’s new girlfriend in my mind. I have never actually said one bad thing about her to someone else, but in my mind, yes. I tore her down in my head. It’s not my proudest moment. But acknowledging that I do this can help me figure out why I do it and change my negative thoughts into positive ones. I’m sure she doesn’t read my blogs, but if you happen to stumble across this blog post, know that I am deeply sorry for bashing you within my mind.
After some careful and deep thinking I have realized I tend to do this, to try to make myself feel better. Which actually doesn’t make me feel better at all. Instead I question why I would even do this in the first place. I am still upset that he picked you over me, but I’m not as upset as I once was. Thank you Jesus! That once gut-wrenching agony is now only a tiny prick to my heart. I’m making progress and I am loving it. But I want to grow as much as I possibly can, especially with the new year coming, I want to better myself than I was yesterday.
I don’t want to be a person that bashes another person, even if it’s only to myself. I’m always telling girls, complete strangers, how beautiful they are. Now it’s time to do that even behind closed doors. Mindset is everything, it can change negative thoughts into positive ones. Positive thoughts can lead to being positive which can change the way you see things within your life and make it better.
Just because someone else is beautiful doesn’t mean I am not and that is something I need to remember. I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes I compare myself to other beautiful people that I see. Whether that be in real life as I am shopping through a store, or on Instagram. I compare how I look to how they look. I am even guilty of saying things like, “I wish I had eyes like hers” or “I wish my butt looked like her butt” because lets be real y’all, 10/10 times girls check out other girls. We are constantly comparing ourselves to each other. I am not sure why we do this because beauty is limitless. Your beauty doesn’t lessen just because you see another beautiful human being. There is enough beauty to go around.
You’re beautiful and I am beautiful too. I forget that just because he picked you, doesn’t mean I am not beautiful anymore. I still am, and you are beautiful too. You have piercing green eyes, something I always envied. But I have hazel eyes, and sometimes they radiate green flecks, or sometimes when the sunlight hits them they radiate waves of honey and amber. Your eyes are memorizing but so are mine. I tried to pick out your flaws to make myself feel better. When in reality we are both beautiful, maybe in different ways, but still beautiful.
Acknowledging that I do this I am more of aware of my thoughts and moving forward I hope I can catch myself when thoughts like these enter my head and redirect them into something more positive. Always remember that there is an unlimited amount of beauty in everything, including people; especially people.
Embrace the beauty, including your own.
-Allie
P.S. Have a safe and fun New Years!
Living Overload 