I used to ask my married friends all the time, “How do you know he/she is the one?” Every single one of them would respond back, “When you know, you know.” What kind of sorcery is that? That’s not a real answer. Well it wasn’t the answer I wanted. It didn’t help me out at all. How are you supposed to know which one person is for you out of the millions of people that exist? Every time I got that answer I was left more confused than before I asked. How do you just know? It didn’t make any sense to me until it happened to me. If anyone ever asks me how I found the one I want to marry and is the one for me, I’ll gladly say, “When you know, you know.” Its something you can’t really explain unless you’ve experienced it but I am going to try my best to explain it to all of you.
Lets start at Benji and I’s first date because this is where I experienced the answer to the question. When Ben asked me to hang out and go hiking, geocaching, and skid loader shopping it was the first date I would attend in years. Not talking about the random first date flops that I had when looking for that wedding date awhile back or that I have been dating myself for the last year and the six years prior to that I was in a relationship, but we didn’t really date, we just co-existed. So this would be my actual and real first date in awhile and I had no idea what was expected of me because I had been out the dating world for quite some time. Have you ever found yourself talking to someone new and before the initial date they list off a series of things you two could potentially do? I found myself always eager to do everything mentioned but was always left disappointed when all the exciting activities that were brought up, never happened. I didn’t want to get too excited for what he had mentioned as I knew we most likely wouldn’t do them. After all I didn’t even know what a skid loader was when he brought it up. I honestly googled what one looks like so I had at least some of an idea of what he was talking about. I also have never been geocaching and thought that would be a great activity to learn to do but I didn’t want to set myself up to be disappointed. Also when I tell guys I hike, sometimes that catches them off guard and they think that is a bit much for a first date. Or because it is frowned upon to head into the woods with a guy you barely know, that makes sense too.
I wasn’t really nervous until minutes before he arrived. I am the type of person that likes to be early or at the latest on time. Benji was not and is still not like this, which he goes by his own time, so that explains it. But we agreed we would meet at noon at a local supermarket that was between both of our houses. I was almost out the door when he told me he was going to be late and if he could just message me and let me know when he would be close to the market and we could meet then. It wasn’t anything drastic just about 35 minutes than the actual time we said we would meet. I told him that was fine and left after he messaged me anyway because I like to be early. I figured it would give me time to get there and collect myself before he got there. I arrived around the initial time we said and it gave me 30-ish minutes to calm my nerves. When I arrived I had no idea what to expect. I texted some friends, they all told me good luck and to just be myself. At this time I still had no idea if he was the guy from the viewing or not, all I knew was that he could be the guy but I wasn’t 100% sure, but he was attractive and even if this date became a flop, maybe it would make a great story on how I made a new friend. Moments before he arrived, I started to accidentally stop breathing because of how nervous I was. I honestly didn’t mean to, I just forgot that I wasn’t doing it. So that it turn led to a nose bleed that I had to get under control before he got there. (I used to get nose bleeds all the time when I was a kid because my grandma dropped me on my face when I was a baby – fun fact – so I know how to handle it.) So he pulls up in this adorable blue pickup truck and by this time I am sweating. I jump in his truck and all I could do was smile.
We are currently driving on our way to look at skid loaders and he breaks the ice by saying, “I’m a little nervous” and I said I was too, and honestly it was a great way to just calm the nerves. Then he asks, “So do you remember me?” I nervously laugh and ask, “From where” and he says, “The viewing, I sat next to you.” Holy f*ck, ITS THE SAME DUDE. By this time I am over the moon ecstatic because all the feelings and the eye contact we made from that night as built up since and I have actually found him and I am currently sitting in his truck on a date with him. That alone made my day. I ACTUALLY FOUND HIM.
So we went skid loader shopping, and geocaching, and hiking all in the same day. It was the longest and best date I have EVER been on in my entire life. I had so much fun with him all day long. Our senses of humor matched well and he was kind, and respectable, and had manners and I could do nothing but smile at him. We started the date at 1230 and I didn’t get home until 930. He showed me how to geocache and I showed him great trails to hike. It was an amazing first date and as we reached the parking lot where my car was sitting I didn’t know how to end a first date, so I shook his hand and thanked him for a great date and got in my car and asked myself, “What the hell were you thinking? I hope he doesn’t think a handshake was too lame? But holy cow that was amazing.”
On my drive home, I was dancing like one does when they eat after they were hangry. The little dance where you move your shoulders side to side, and I vividly remember telling God, “You know if I had to marry him tomorrow, I would.” As if that would ever have to happen, but right then I knew. I knew this man was made for me, and I was going to marry him. My first thought as to why I said this to God was because Benji kept his word. We did everything he said we would do, and keeping your word is super important to me. It took me one, nine-hour, first date to realize I found the one. He wasn’t the one because of his looks or anything of that sense. His looks are just a bonus. He’s the one because God and I have talked about what I wanted in a man. He knows what I asked for and what I thought were important qualities in the person I planned on marrying. I prayed for a man like this, and here God gave me someone who I can’t imagine my life without. We have been dating for almost six months and I can 100% tell everyone that asks that he is the one I want to marry.
I always thought it was weird when people got engaged or married within less than a year, but time doesn’t mean anything because when you know, you know. After all I spent six years with someone and still didn’t know and couldn’t say yes to marrying him. I spent nine hours with someone and I just knew. I know what you are probably thinking, “Woah you had one date, are you sure you aren’t just jumping the gun? Do you know if he feels the same way?” Honestly I kept what I said to God that night to myself, I didn’t tell Ben that I said it or anything of the sort. I just let everything play out the way God intended it would. A few weeks after our first date Ben and I were talking and he mentioned that he felt that I was the one. He said, “Sometimes people just know, and I know I want to marry you.” I started laugh a little and told him that I felt the same way and how awesome it was to know that him and I were on the same page. I’m so sure of Benji and I’s relationship because while I spent the year healing myself and making myself into a better human being I talked with God so much and he knew the type of man I wanted. When God made me, he knew the type of person I would need and he made Ben. To me, Ben is the most selfless, kind, generous, respectable, well-mannered, hardworking, caring, Godly, understanding, and honest man with the most beautiful soul I have ever known. He is so appreciative and listens to me and I am always thanking God for bringing Benji into my life. His love brings me peace and I am forever grateful for who he is, and who he is becoming.
So don’t sweat it when you are worried you don’t know how you will be able to tell if someone is the one. I promise you one day, you will experience it and know that you have found the one that was made for you. Until then love yourself, and never stop working on yourself for the greater good.
Spread kindness, radiate happiness, and show love,
– Allie
Living Overload 