During my year alone I thought I would be completely healed before God opened the door of dating for me. But that wasn’t the case even though that would have been nice. Sometimes I catch myself in a similar situation or conversation and it takes me back to the horrendous situations I lived in during my last relationship. For an example, Benji and I ran into his ex-girlfriend and I could feel the vibe in the atmosphere shift. We all have exes and that is totally normal and its normal to feel awkward after seeing an ex after a long period of time. At first I had no idea who she was, I could just sense this wave of awkwardness coming from both ends of room. After we left, I asked Benji privately if everything was okay and how I could feel the tension in the room and asked if maybe that could be an ex of his and it was.
We all have moments in life where we run into old friends, or significant others when we would never plan to be around them, but sometimes that just happens and that’s alright. Benji and I talked about it that night and I was fine until I got in my car. I am a person who likes to process everything and really take apart situations so I can understand them better. Once I got in my car I had this overwhelming feeling to just cry and I did exactly that. It wasn’t because we ran into Benji’s ex, it was because that moment of awkwardness or knowing how Benji felt and the vibes in the room took me back to a time within my last relationship that I thought I was over.
When Benji and I talked he assured me that he was completely over her and I had nothing to worry about. Although I didn’t ask for the reassurance, sometimes reassurance can be good to block out those ‘what-if’ thoughts in our head. When I got in my car and thought about the conversation we just had it brought me back to a time where my ex would say that ALL THE TIME only to be untrue. I started crying hard. I wasn’t upset with Benji at all, it was the underlying unresolved past trauma that I thought I was over but I clearly wasn’t. I thought about why I wasn’t over it, and I realized that I never really took to time to process what he was doing during our relationship. I sensed something was happening but he always covered it up so I wasn’t 100% sure and when the truth finally came out about all the suspicions I had, I just accepted it and moved on without really thinking about it. I never took time to really address what he had done and mentally move on from it. I just accepted that my suspicions I had were true and never gave another thought about it, until I was put into a situation where it triggered me to think about it.
I spent time that night really thinking about it and accepting what he did and really getting over it. I called Benji when I got home and I told him how I had a good cry session on my way home and how it was nothing related to the events from tonight, but how I didn’t really give myself time to get over a terrible situation and experience from my last relationship.
I’ll rave about Benji for the rest of my life because he is SO understanding. Here I am crying over something I thought I had already gotten past. Crying over something that he didn’t have any part of and yet he is telling me how much he loves me, and how thankful he is for me. That he goes to bed at night thanking God for me. Talking with him instantly put my heart and mind at peace. Benji’s love for me brings me SO much peace and I have never had that and I am forever grateful for God making Benji just the way he is. I knew I had to talk about it to feel better about it and Benji allowed me to do just that. I felt relieved opening up about something I went through because Benji made it easy. He was comforting, supportive, patient, kind, and caring, and he listened. I honestly got the best night’s sleep that night because I was at peace.
My whole point of this post is show you that not all guys are the same. If I would have cried to my ex about a previous ex he would have yelled at me or questioned me why I was still thinking or crying over an ex. Whereas Benji understood that I don’t want to be thinking or crying over an ex, but he is there to show me that it is okay to cry over unresolved issues if that helps me eventually heal from those painful experiences. I’ve said this once and I will say this again and again that I am beyond thankful for Benji.
It is so important to talk about your feelings and share them with your partner. But it is just as important that your partner understands you and speaks your love language. I cannot stress this enough when seeking out a significant other. Don’t spend your whole life trying to explain yourself. Find those that understand you before you even speak a word. Those are the people who are meant for you.
Until next time, spread kindness and positivity,
– Allie
Living Overload 