I was just at my cousin’s house last weekend. I tend to visit her as much as I can when the time presents itself. She lives quite a ways away from me, so it’s something I try to do at least once a year. I woke up in her guest room last weekend and laid there reflecting on where I was. I remember waking up in her same guest room a year before and how differently I am now from then. Last year I woke up depressed, sad, and lost. I had no idea what tomorrow would bring. I was coming out of a long term relationship feeling lost and broken. I went to her house for the weekend last year in hopes to cheer me up. I turned to my family a lot when my relationship ended. There are more things to do where she lives than what I have in my small hometown, so I went there trying to take my mind off of things. I remember trying to put on a brave face as her and her fiancé tried to give me a great weekend. Don’t get me wrong it was a great weekend and we did a lot, but my mental state wasn’t anywhere close to where I am now.
This year when I woke up at her place last weekend, I felt at peace with where I am and how great things have turned out for me. I am finally in a relationship where his love brings me peace. Being loved by Benji brings me nothing but joy and fills my heart with more love. I have never had a boyfriend that loved me endlessly like Benji does. I feel so secure in our relationship. I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to enjoy the day where as last year I was just trying to survive through the day.
As the new year is approaching its perfectly okay to look back at far you’ve come. 2020 was a hard year for all of us in different ways, but if it showed us one thing, its that we as individuals can conquer more than we ever thought possible in a year. I’ve seen so many struggling to get through the year, myself included, that we are almost to the finish line. I’ve taken the last few days of 2020 to truly reflect on the year and where I am now and where I wish to go in the future.
They say not to spend your days looking at what’s behind you, but sometimes its a good thing to see how far you’ve come. No matter what today brings, there is always tomorrow, and tomorrow could be the best day of your life. Keep striving forward, but don’t forget to look back and see how far you’ve come. You can always do great things, just believe it, I know I do.
Sending love and happiness to you all this new year,
– Allie
Living Overload 