How I Survived a Break-up

Statistically it’s said that it takes roughly eight months to officially get over someone. Sure enough that rang true with my situation. I am hoping this list of advice can help you mend your broken heart a bit easier and maybe a little quicker.

    – If you take one piece of advice from this post, let it be this. It is number one for a reason. So many people fall short thinking they aren’t worthy of great things. YOU ARE! God believes you are worthy, so trust him, and know you are worthy! It’s tough believing you are worthy after a breakup because you are used to your ex making you feel special. News flash, you were special before this person and you are 110% special after this person. We will touch more on this a little later, but don’t allow your mind to make you feel like you are no longer worthy just because you got dumped. Know your worth, set your standards high because you deserve the best. You have to learn to respect yourself in order for others to respect you. To find the people who see you are worth it and treat you like you are. You are worth much more than having a person on your arm. You are the only person who can make you happy, so learn to love yourself, and change whatever you don’t love about yourself for the better because you are deserving of a magical type of love, even if you are the one giving it to yourself.

2. Be Grateful
– For every small aspect in your life, be grateful for it. You have a job, you have healthy food to eat and clean water to drink, you have a clean bill of health, you woke up this morning, you have fresh air to breathe, you have a roof over your head, whatever it is you have right now be grateful for it. Be grateful for the heartbreak because you are able to feel emotions so deeply, in which a lot of people are unable to do. Being grateful for every little thing during the bad times allows us to appreciate all the good times that roll our way. Appreciating small victories whether it be from your inner self or the ones stated above during trying times, allows us to open our eyes, and see that maybe these “bad” times we are having aren’t actually all that bad.

3. Have a Positive Mindset
– The way you look at life is going to shape the type of life you are going to live. If you soak in your sorrows of what could have been, you are wasting your precious life away on a bunch of what-ifs. Accepting the present and the hand you were dealt with in a positive way will make other things in your life more positive. Your mindset is everything. It shows you the kind of day you are going to have. If you seek out the positive in every situation you can succeed in being a more positive person. For me personally, depression was a huge struggle for me during my break-up. I was constantly rethinking everything that happened, and it really messed with my head. So much that I spent all day thinking about the break-up that I would forget to eat, or I would exhaust myself so much mentally that all I did was sleep. Dwelling on the negatives only makes what you are already over-thinking that much worse. Seeking positivity such as stating to yourself, “Okay this didn’t work out like I had hoped, but in the long run I am going to be better off because I now know this person isn’t down for me, and I don’t want that type of person in my life.” You have 86,400 seconds in a day, use those moments to seek out every positivity in your life big and small.

4. Train Your Mind
– This follows suit with the above tip. Training your mind to be more positive is essential in the ability to have mental stability. Your mental health is SO important and your mind can make you feel a million types of ways, good and bad. Having control over what you think about is going to help you that much more to get over this break-up. The most reoccurring issue I had was all the shitty things my ex said to me and how they would constantly play repeat in my mind all day long. I was so annoyed and tired of constantly thinking about every awful thing he ever said to me or about me, that I decided to train my mind on how to deter away from these thoughts. I won’t lie, it was one of the toughest obstacles I had to get through during my break-up. It is true that your mind will play tricks on you. But you have to be aware of the difference between what is real and what is made up from the lies inside your head. The facts that I had were the type of person my ex was, which was a person who would say mean things to get a rise out of me or to hurt me on purpose and having him say a bunch of rude comments. The lies in my head were trying to tell me that all the comments were true. It took me months to realize that I know the type of person he is, and that he didn’t actually mean any of this, and all of his comments had nothing to do with who I was. People say shitting things all the time, but don’t dwell on every harsh word that is said. Instead use this time to think about other things. Some ways to move past these reoccurring thoughts that have helped me were to read, whether that be a random article online, or something I was into. I would make lists of anything and everything. Where I wanted to travel, what I needed to do that day, where I saw myself in five years from now. how many breeds of dogs there are, literally anything. I would listen to music, sometimes the escape of music would move my thoughts to the beat of the song, or the chorus that was coming up. It would distract my mind from these lies. I am not saying that doing these things will magically erase all hurt you have been thinking about, but If you keep up with training your mind to think of something else when these thoughts arise, eventually you will realize that one day you no longer will think about these lies inside of your head, because you have done such a great job of shifting your focus, that these lies will no longer appear.

5. Choose Joy
– In everything you do, choose joy. Make the day a great day because you choose to see the joy in what your day has for you. Choosing joy can come in an array of areas, seeing a baby smile with no teeth, petting a random dog and feeling how soft their coat is, going to your favorite fishing spot and being outside in nature, eating a food that you love. All of these little moments throughout your day make up your day. So enjoy all the small moments because they make up your whole day. If you decide to choose joy in everything you are going to have better days.

6. Music
– Music is a huge one for me. This tip has helped me a lot during the most mentally difficult time that I have experienced in my life so far. Music is known to help people and boost endorphins to boost your mood. Music for me is what kept me going day in and day out. There is nothing I enjoy more now than listening to music in everything I do. I listen to music in the shower, when I am getting ready for the day, in my car while driving, while I am working, before going to bed, I listen to a shit ton of music. I love it because there is so much music out there that everyone has something that resonates with them. For me I enjoyed stumbling upon new music because I realized a lot of artists who share music for the world to hear, are people who have experienced the exact same heartbreaking moments as you and I do. It’s a little heartbreaking knowing others have gone through what I have dealt with, but at the same time, I know I am not alone and others understand my pain. Below are some of my favorite songs that I would listen to over and over again every single day for months. Some of these songs broke my heart knowing they had to deal with something I had dealt with, but I am so grateful they shared their music with us and we have a mutual understanding of how shitty break-ups can be.

6. Treat Yourself Well
– My break-up hit at a pretty well time in my life, now that I think back on it. I had just started working out regularly and was already in a routine to continue to workout even during my break-up. That in itself had a tremendous affect on how I felt about myself during my break-up. Doing things for you to make yourself better will help you feel better about yourself. Eating well, will make you feel good on the inside, working out will release endorphins that will make you feel good on the inside and out. When you feel good about yourself you start to have a better attitude with the curveballs thrown in your life. Remember you are worth it, so you deserve to treat your body well.

7. Find New Hobbies
– Hobbies can help make you feel less anxious and worrisome when you are out enjoying what you love to do. Go hiking, or fishing, start painting, or learn to play the drums. Do whatever makes you happy, because you deserve to be happy. Make time for yourself and what you need. It is completely okay to spend the day doing whatever the hell you want. If you want to sit at home all day long and knit yourself a blanket, do just that. You are the only one that can make yourself happy, so you might as well start sooner than later.

I hope this helps at least one person, I know it has helped me. I hope whatever heartache you are feeling right now, you have faith in yourself to overcome it. You are strong, only you and God can bring you out of the darkness and you might be surprised at how amazing you really are when you pick yourself up and bring yourself out of something you thought would kill you.

Sending an abundance of good vibes, and happiness,
– Allie

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